The NBA is only 30 days away! But if you're antsy for some fast paced basketball action, come to NASA!
Our company had a BBQ on Thursday at NASA Goddard Rec Center. Let me preface this place for you:
1) It looks like the place where NASA buried the dead astronauts that were lost in freak accidents back in the 60's.
2) There's a creepy shed in the back that has caution tape strewn all over it.
3) The basketball court probably looks like it belonged in Silent Hill than a government compound.
Granted, it was much less creepy in the amazingly nice weather we had on Thursday. Company picnics are a time were people that normally see each other gather and fraternize. Sometimes, there are team building activities. This was not that time.
This time, some decided it was a good idea to bring a basketball to play on the court with grass growing out of it. Oh yeah... it's as epic as you can imagine NASA basketball to be. Here was the starting line up:
Center: Ponytail guy, late 20's early 30's, wearing black shirt and pants with a red skinny tie.
Forward: Indian dude that seems confused as to why we're not throwing the ball at a wicket. And why there's no paddle involved...
Forward: Your stereotypical corporate guy. Regular fit (read: baggy) purple dress shirt, shelves rolled up, black slacks, and sport sunglasses
Guard: Checkered shirt tucked into jeans guy with a goatee
Guard: Guy with cargo pants
There was also a guy who just stood under the basket to retrieve the "shots".
So the game starts with our goatee'ed guard shooting the ball from what I will loosely call the three point line. And what happens?? On the VERY FIRST SHOT...VERY FIRST! The ball gets wedged between the hoop and the backboard. Yup... it's like some bad 80's movie about nerds was coming true.
You might ask, "How did they get it down?" First, you shouldn't ask that questions, it will only lead to disappointment. Second, you'd think with all this brain power and corporate know-how in once place this wouldn't be much of a story... Yeah...well...what had happened was...
The two forwards stand still in a defensive stance as to box out anyone that may want to get the "rebound" from this shot, while the ball CLEARLY IS NOT MOVING. Our other non-goatee'ed all star thinks that it is a good idea to throw his shoe at the ball. His shoe gets stuck.
His shoe gets stuck.
With the ball.
That that sink in for just a bit....
Our all-pro team center, then, has the BRILLIANT idea to get a chair. To do what? Stand on it and jump off, trying to knock the ball lose. This made White Man Can't Jump look like a highlight reel of Michael Jordan's greatest jams. The guy BARELY got 8 inches off the chair.
They can send a satellite 1.5 million miles from earth, but getting yourself more than 8 inches off the ground...impossible.
At this moment are corporate guy is standing there in his corporate super hero stance, with his hands on his hips all alpha like and is looking at the ball, giving the all so corporately ubiquitous "looks like we got a problem here, team" look. If you don't know what that looks like, go to a regional manager of ANY company and present him/her with a problem. They all give the same goddamn look, and then proceed to do nothing.
At this point, I'm done eating and really REALLY can't handle this type of fast paced excitement, especially after lunch. As we leave, our skinny tied center finally got the brilliant idea of poking the ball AND the shoe out with the chair that he was using as a launch pad. YAY!!! Order restored!
Now we can all go back and shoot air balls so the only person that gets any exercise out of this is the guy standing under the basket. He is my game, year, and finals MVP.
Our company had a BBQ on Thursday at NASA Goddard Rec Center. Let me preface this place for you:
1) It looks like the place where NASA buried the dead astronauts that were lost in freak accidents back in the 60's.
2) There's a creepy shed in the back that has caution tape strewn all over it.
3) The basketball court probably looks like it belonged in Silent Hill than a government compound.
Granted, it was much less creepy in the amazingly nice weather we had on Thursday. Company picnics are a time were people that normally see each other gather and fraternize. Sometimes, there are team building activities. This was not that time.
This time, some decided it was a good idea to bring a basketball to play on the court with grass growing out of it. Oh yeah... it's as epic as you can imagine NASA basketball to be. Here was the starting line up:
Center: Ponytail guy, late 20's early 30's, wearing black shirt and pants with a red skinny tie.
Forward: Indian dude that seems confused as to why we're not throwing the ball at a wicket. And why there's no paddle involved...
Forward: Your stereotypical corporate guy. Regular fit (read: baggy) purple dress shirt, shelves rolled up, black slacks, and sport sunglasses
Guard: Checkered shirt tucked into jeans guy with a goatee
Guard: Guy with cargo pants
There was also a guy who just stood under the basket to retrieve the "shots".
So the game starts with our goatee'ed guard shooting the ball from what I will loosely call the three point line. And what happens?? On the VERY FIRST SHOT...VERY FIRST! The ball gets wedged between the hoop and the backboard. Yup... it's like some bad 80's movie about nerds was coming true.
You might ask, "How did they get it down?" First, you shouldn't ask that questions, it will only lead to disappointment. Second, you'd think with all this brain power and corporate know-how in once place this wouldn't be much of a story... Yeah...well...what had happened was...
The two forwards stand still in a defensive stance as to box out anyone that may want to get the "rebound" from this shot, while the ball CLEARLY IS NOT MOVING. Our other non-goatee'ed all star thinks that it is a good idea to throw his shoe at the ball. His shoe gets stuck.
His shoe gets stuck.
With the ball.
That that sink in for just a bit....
Our all-pro team center, then, has the BRILLIANT idea to get a chair. To do what? Stand on it and jump off, trying to knock the ball lose. This made White Man Can't Jump look like a highlight reel of Michael Jordan's greatest jams. The guy BARELY got 8 inches off the chair.
They can send a satellite 1.5 million miles from earth, but getting yourself more than 8 inches off the ground...impossible.
At this moment are corporate guy is standing there in his corporate super hero stance, with his hands on his hips all alpha like and is looking at the ball, giving the all so corporately ubiquitous "looks like we got a problem here, team" look. If you don't know what that looks like, go to a regional manager of ANY company and present him/her with a problem. They all give the same goddamn look, and then proceed to do nothing.
At this point, I'm done eating and really REALLY can't handle this type of fast paced excitement, especially after lunch. As we leave, our skinny tied center finally got the brilliant idea of poking the ball AND the shoe out with the chair that he was using as a launch pad. YAY!!! Order restored!
Now we can all go back and shoot air balls so the only person that gets any exercise out of this is the guy standing under the basket. He is my game, year, and finals MVP.
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