I'm a Small Fish in a Giant Ocean

Needless to say, that is how I feel almost on a daily basis at NASA. It's not a bad thing, I'm just happy I get to share the same ocean as the whales, although I do like my friend Gary's version of "You're a big fish in an infinitely large universe". It really hits you that what you do is some of the coolest things ever when the NASA Facebook page shares something like this:

HOLY CRAP! It's Alan and Kevin!

And you see people talking about it and liking and what-nots you do on Facebook. Then you're like OH SHIT! I KNOW THOSE PEOPLE! Pony tail guy's my boss (told you ponytails were a thing)...and the other dude is my office mate! We're pretty damn cool.

I'm really picky about my work environment. I like my office to inspire me somehow. I like light. I get none of that at NASA. I went from having a good 80 sq ft office with windows and a small conference table in the office, to sharing a VERY small cube with 2 other people in a windowless room with printers outside. And being the new guy, of course, you get the bitch seat. It also smells weird and you have all of zero privacy. I would have expected that I would hate the situation, but then I step outside of my desk.

I step into the AMAZING stuff that's going on. I get to play with vacuum chambers and space simulators. I get to see what you've done go into space. And it's not that bad.

No need for a motivational poster.

Then you see something like this and you realize people actually care about what your doing. It's pretty amazing. It makes 4 hour meetings with a German guy, who ended the meeting with "Basically, you guys can not do what we've ask you to do", bearable.

I've also started to realize, I can still learn. I can still reinvent myself one more time. Though I am not your equal, I will be...shortly.

STOP PASSING ME YOU JERKS!!! A Story of My First Marathon

On 12May2013, I was recovering from my worst half-marathon (Maryland Half). This one sucked, mainly because I just got back from China and gained a good 15 lbs and this course was hilly as shit. On a whim, and hating my own fat ass, I signed up for the Baltimore Marathon. I was going to do one eventually, but thought, what the hell! It's 5 months away, I can train hard and get it down. So I did.

It has been a challenging process both mentally and physically, with challenges runner don't or forget to tell you about. Here's somethings you can expect if you decide to train seriously for running:

1) Body Glide and/or Vaseline is your best friend. NEVER leave home without it. Where ever there is skin on skin touching... you will chaff... and it will suck for days on end. Yeah no one wants butt cheek chaff. And when it rains, like it did for part of my marathon, you BEST hope you cover yourself in Body Glide.

2) Pasta is a close second. At the end, you will hate it with a passion and never want to touch it again. Beans are good too. I also turned vegetarian during the week, which helped me lose a shit ton of weight, but fuck any low carb stupid diet.

3) You will need more exercise clothes, especially during summer training. It will all smell of BO, ALL OF IT. All of your shirts will, at some point, fail the smell test, most of them need to be soaked for hours in detergent. You will sweat... a lot.

4) Say goodbye to toenails. They start receding and don't come back. Goodbye left index toenail...I barely knew ye.

5) Injuries will happen. I've gotten: planar faciitis, shin splints, a pain that won't go away in my left pinky toe, IT band inflammation. And I consider myself luck as shit!

6) There is no greater feeling than finishing your race and meeting your goals. It makes you want to do it again, and again, and again.

6a) There is no WORSE feeling than 3 hours after finishing. Death could not come soon enough. 

Of all the suck that has happened, I did lose a lot of weight. I will say, for the first time in a LONG ASS TIME, I'm ok with pictures without a shirt on, I don't disgust myself. I've also have a lot more mental fortitude to deal with shit, since at about mile 21 of my marathon, both knees with screaming in pain, and my calves where on strike, but I made it to the finish line. 

Lastly, I want to thank Chris Keller for being the inspiration to all this. Without you, I wouldn't have done this. I want to thank Cais Rasouli for giving me a reason to running and set deadlines for myself. Thank you to Kevin Kempter for being there every step of the way and forcing me to run when all I wanted to do is eat shitty shrimp from bad Chinese buffets. 

The next step for me is to jump in a pool, hop on a bike, and run some more. Triathlon here I come!!

 

The list of Congressmen/women that need to lose their seat

I will donate to the DCCC and to everyone of these peoples challengers in 2013. I would like these people gone!

Here's the shortlist (mainly because I don't have that much money to move around):

Steve King- 4th district Iowa

This fucker also went to Egypt with Michelle Bachmann and praised the military take over thinking that the Muslim Brotherhood=Al-Qaeda

Todd Rokita - 4th district Indiana

He keeps fucking saying that the Senate has not given a budget yet. HEY DIPSHIT! you have to give a budget to the Senate. Though the Senate has a budget committee, the House Ways and Means and Rules have to pass it through before going to Senate. YOU, and your House, are the FUCKHEADS in this situation.

Bill Cassidy - 6th district Louisiana
John Fleming - 4th district Louisiana

You two... Jesus... you are from the fattest state in the nation, with THE MOST UNHEALTHY people in the nation, yet refuse ACA's expansion of medicare. Last time I checked, both of you voted for Issac relief, but asked for spending cuts for Sandy relief. FUCK YOU!

Virginia Foxx - 5th district North Carolina

Let's see your old granny ass fuck ups:

1) You voted NO on Katrina relief
2) YES on Pres. Bush's TARP
3) Said we've had the best economy in 50 years
4) NO on hate crime designation on crimes against LGBT
5) You tried to introduce legislation that would not give children born in the US to undocumented people citizenship (THAT is unconstitutional and fascist!)

I don't say this as a joke, I'm hoping these decisions were made because you have Alzheimer or ALS, if you don't, feel free to get both of them.

Eric Cantor - 7th district Virginia

It shames me that I share a state with you. It makes me feel dirty and unclean. Please never set foot in Northern Virginia.

That is my short list... I will donate $10 per candidate to the DCCC in 2013 and $100 to ANY Democratic challenger that goes against these people. There are so many more, like 90% of Texas, Kansas, Oklahoma need to go... but I'm not rich

27 votes

As of 9:38PM 30Sep2013, the House of Representative tabled the Senate CR to continuing funding the federal government with no riders and/or amendments. The voted failed by 27 votes. Now, I'm sitting at home hoping that this thing doesn't last too long because I need money... to pay the rent... to buy food... to pay back a college loan. But there are 27 people out there, 9 of them Democrats, thinking that it is somehow more responsible to shut down the federal government because Obamacare is law, than to allow people to do their jobs.

27 votes. Out of 435 people, the final gap was 27.

In what world does the Republicans live in? What possible benefit can be had from this? All of a sudden they want to stand behind principles. I'm not going to list out Republican "principles", but let's just say they are wrong, immoral, and severely out of place for a 21st century developed nation.

I have no problems with compromise. We are a federal representative democracy. We do not run a parliamentary system where there is a majority governing party and an opposition party. But what kind of compromise is this that the Republicans have dished up? Let's rehash:

You, Dems + Obama, must delay Obamacare for 1 year, and we will give you 15 days of funding. In 15 days, not only will we be back here again, we'll make more demands on raising the debt ceiling. Then, we will keep spending at this shitty lower rate, and you give us more cuts. Republicans, full heartily FUCK YOU and the horse you rode in on.

This is no compromise. 1 year delay over major legislation for 15 days of running the government. As if, we the Dems, are the only people that have a vested interest in keeping a functional nation.

The sad thing is, the Republicans that have voted for this bullshit come from states like Ohio, Kansas, Alabama, etc. Those states are the burden upon the federal government. They repeatedly need federal funding to keep their governments solvent. Yet, these states, and the idiots that vote for these representative somehow think the government is the problem. Irony. At it's best.

It's hard to voice the anger that I'm experiencing. I'm a fucking federal subcontractor. Civil servants will probably get paid. Contractors get 40 hours vacation fronted to them. Us, the subcontractors? We get nothing. I have no vacation and my health benefits will probably run out in 2 weeks. So, instead of complaining some more, I say call John Boehner's office and yell random obscenities to him and his staff. Here's his number: (202) 225-6205   

The 1st Annual NASA Basketball Championship

The NBA is only 30 days away! But if you're antsy for some fast paced basketball action, come to NASA!

Our company had a BBQ on Thursday at NASA Goddard Rec Center. Let me preface this place for you:

1) It looks like the place where NASA buried the dead astronauts that were lost in freak accidents back in the 60's.
2) There's a creepy shed in the back that has caution tape strewn all over it.
3) The basketball court probably looks like it belonged in Silent Hill than a government compound.

Granted, it was much less creepy in the amazingly nice weather we had on Thursday. Company picnics are a time were people that normally see each other gather and fraternize. Sometimes, there are team building activities. This was not that time.

This time, some decided it was a good idea to bring a basketball to play on the court with grass growing out of it. Oh yeah... it's as epic as you can imagine NASA basketball to be. Here was the starting line up:

Center: Ponytail guy, late 20's early 30's, wearing black shirt and pants with a red skinny tie.

Forward: Indian dude that seems confused as to why we're not throwing the ball at a wicket. And why there's no paddle involved...

Forward: Your stereotypical corporate guy. Regular fit (read: baggy) purple dress shirt, shelves rolled up, black slacks, and sport sunglasses

Guard: Checkered shirt tucked into jeans guy with a goatee

Guard: Guy with cargo pants

There was also a guy who just stood under the basket to retrieve the "shots".

So the game starts with our goatee'ed guard shooting the ball from what I will loosely call the three point line. And what happens?? On the VERY FIRST SHOT...VERY FIRST! The ball gets wedged between the hoop and the backboard. Yup... it's like some bad 80's movie about nerds was coming true.

You might ask, "How did they get it down?" First, you shouldn't ask that questions, it will only lead to disappointment. Second, you'd think with all this brain power and corporate know-how in once place this wouldn't be much of a story... Yeah...well...what had happened was...

The two forwards stand still in a defensive stance as to box out anyone that may want to get the "rebound" from this shot, while the ball CLEARLY IS NOT MOVING. Our other non-goatee'ed all star thinks that it is a good idea to throw his shoe at the ball. His shoe gets stuck.

His shoe gets stuck.

With the ball.

That that sink in for just a bit....

Our all-pro team center, then, has the BRILLIANT idea to get a chair. To do what? Stand on it and jump off, trying to knock the ball lose. This made White Man Can't Jump look like a highlight reel of Michael Jordan's greatest jams. The guy BARELY got 8 inches off the chair.

They can send a satellite 1.5 million miles from earth, but getting yourself more than 8 inches off the ground...impossible.

At this moment are corporate guy is standing there in his corporate super hero stance, with his hands on his hips all alpha like and is looking at the ball, giving the all so corporately ubiquitous "looks like we got a problem here, team" look. If you don't know what that looks like, go to a regional manager of ANY company and present him/her with a problem. They all give the same goddamn look, and then proceed to do nothing.

At this point, I'm done eating and really REALLY can't handle this type of fast paced excitement, especially after lunch. As we leave, our skinny tied center finally got the brilliant idea of poking the ball AND the shoe out with the chair that he was using as a launch pad. YAY!!! Order restored!

Now we can all go back and shoot air balls so the only person that gets any exercise out of this is the guy standing under the basket. He is my game, year, and finals MVP.

DON'T EVEN BREATH ON IT!

I am the guy that, at almost every meeting, takes frantic notes. Not really because I per se care about what the person is talking about, but because I write down things I need to Google later. This is week 3, and I'm finally out of the "jaw dropping" phase, but have entered the "actually doing work" phase. For the past little bit, I've been reading up on vacuum physics and Googling things like "quartz crystal microbalance", but now it's time to do work.

One of the things I'm doing is a satellite that will be shooting lasers at the north pole to see ice thickness. Most of it is being built in the "why humans suck" building. I recommend this building to anyone that denies climate change or that humans are behind it. It gives you many MANY images of earth over time and the decrease in arctic ice, deforestation, desertification, and explosions in human pollution, CO2 and other emissions. If you ever want to a) depress yourself or b) get motivated to recycle, I recommend this building. 

The other thing I'm doing looks like something out of Star Wars. It's large. Tennis court sized large. I'm working with a team of people that will be in charge of making sure instruments are clean and free from contamination. This is much harder than one would think. Especially when you're assigned to an instrument that's so high tech, I'm pretty sure it's the only one in the world. 

The idea is awesome, I'll spare you the details, but it's basically hundreds of micron sized shutter that can capture light at a whole bunch of wavelengths. The problem with this is the shutters. They are small... couple hundred microns small. So, while I'm working to take samples off the cover and shit, the guy in charge of assembly gives me the background. Apparently, the damn thing is so sensitive, that if you tighten the screws in from the wrong side, you'll mess it up. So, if you go in on it's left side, instead of the right, IT'S FUCKED! The best though, THE BEST thing about this amazing piece of equipment is you can't breath on it. If you come close, hold your breathe. I feel like if I stare at this thing too long it'll just destroy itself. The project lead on this has a long pony tail that he start growing when this project started, 8 years ago... I am convinced that this is his version of the Fidel Castro beard... it's like he won't cut it until this thing goes into space VIVA LA REVOLUCIóN!!

So, you're not supposed to breath on it...check. I can do that... except for today when I was inspecting the compartment this instrument was supposed to go in, I almost ram a UV flashlight right through it. Yay...new guy...

Good thing I didn't... good thing it still works

My coffee break involves watching a rocket launch

Today, there was a rocket launched at Goddard's site on the eastern shore of VA, at Wallops Island. The launch was between 10:30 and 11:15, the "launch window". We had a meeting until 10:15 and right after people just started going onto the roof top. I remember hearing on the radio that Orbital Space Science was launching today and will be the 2nd private company, first being SpaceX, to send a rocket into space to dock with the International Space Station.

In about 10 minutes of the launch, every roof top at Goddard had people standing on it and people outside watching 2 small puff of smoke go up in the eastern sky. People were streaming the launch countdown on their phone and giving live commentary...yeah NASA. It all ended in about 10 minutes, which is really crazy considering we can send something into space in less than 10 minutes.

So today's coffee break...rocket launch.

I've stated noticing that at NASA there's a couple of trends. Here are some:

1) Ponytails are a thing. The number of people with ponytails...is surprising.
2) Hawaiian shirt Friday? It's a thing at NASA...for realz
3) We love stickers and signs. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! You will never forget where you work or what project your on.
4) We have an ultimate team...go figure
5) I work with a guy that I would nickname Jebadiah  or Ezequiel. The weird thing is... he has the start of a beard, but it's more like a really thick chin strap, without a mustache. It's kinda weird. Also, he walks around all day with a visor. It's like the Amish Bro...without the mustache.
6) People love to accessorize their cars with NASA stuff, it's kinda crazy. This makes sense, since working at NASA is pretty awesome. The funny thing is...one car... a blacked out Escalade, had at least 5 mission stickers and then this:

     Yeah... there's a NASA engineer or scientist that <3's sushi....

I love my job.

Well... I ended up at NASA

In the last 2 months, I went from giving monkeys cocaine, getting them off of it once addicted, and introducing a challenge article to get them off the addiction to helping build this. Needless to say, this has been a little daunting. I feel like the "I don't know what I'm doing" dog. In stereotypical NASA style, the office across from me sits John Mather, the Nobel Physics Prize winner. Yeah, so there's that. Everyone else is just an astrophysicist, rocket scientist, or aerospace engineer. Me? Yeah... I gave monkeys cocaine to see what it will do to them.

It's still amazingly mind boggling to drive into work everyday and see this:

I feel like the star struck kid walking through the halls reading everything and asking the dumb questions. It pretty amazing the stuff NASA has in there. Also, it's fairly amazing that some of the computers are from like 2000.

The building I work in is a freaking maze. A maze that has multi-billion dollar things that go into space and I'm DEATHLY afraid of just walking into somewhere I'm not supposed to or knock over some major hardware component.

It's interesting that the people there are really cool. You would think that NASA was filled with pocket protecting wearing nerds that could hold a conversation. One the contrary, it may be 1) The most diverse place I've worked at 2) HANDS DOWN the smartest place 3) Filled with characters that all have their individual quirks. As the guy I was touring with today said: "The great thing about this place is you'll never have to work with anyone stupider [sic] than you, but then most people are smarter than you." Yup.. that's about right.

Hopefully, I impress somebody to let me stay after this first 6 months and I never have to go back to giving monkeys cocaine or AIDS... but until then, I'll just have to work hard and hide the fact that I really feel like this:

Well...Ain't That Some Fuckery: Monsanto and It's Ridiculous IP

Most people that know me, know that I had a short stint working for Monsanto at their world headquarters in St Louis, no less. I've always defended Monsanto for making drought and pesticide resistant crops as well as developing things like Vit A enriched Golden Rice. I do believe that they play a HUGE role in ridding world hunger. These are complex issues that will be reserved for another day.

What I have been hating them for, and consistently hate them for, is there intellectual property (IP) defense. They go after small time farmers that can't afford any other seeds at large volume and bleed them dry, just because the farmers did what farmers should do. Plant crops.

The Weird Thing About Mother's Day

As much as I believe that every mom deserves something special today, and that there is special meaning in honoring moms today, it bugs me that people would criticize Valentine's Day or Christmas as corporate built holidays, while Mother's day is COMPLETELY ok.

Think about it...isn't it the EXACT same thing?

Shouldn't we treat our moms great everyday? Same criticism as "shouldn't we love our significant others every day?" or "Shouldn't we keep Christ in our lives every day?"


And don't we just buy extra stuff, like flowers and chocolate, today, just like Valentine's Day? And yet, somehow 80% of people on Facebook post something snarky about how Valentine's Day is made by "the man" and is meant to fulfill our needs for consumerism.

I'm not asking people to bash Mother's Day...I'm more asking people to shut the fuck up about other holidays.

Isn't it good enough that there are some days out of the year where we can celebrate something other than ourselves? Christmas at least drives our attention to our families, our communities, and something greater than ourselves, regardless if it has turned into an all you can buy extravaganza.

I think that if there's a day in which we bond more with our families or communities or recognizes that there is something more than ourselves, then do it!

Or just claim everything is a corporate lie and gimmick to make us buy things and actually live up to this "holier than thou" standard of living every single day by your standards. Too bad that's hard...and complaining on Facebook and somehow looking "enlightened" is easy.

Irony...the word you're looking for is irony

China has been become ironic. Not in the way that hipsters are self-consciously ironic, that would be annoying. China is ironic because it's crazy amount of develop has caused thing that shouldn't be together to clash. I don't know if anyone notices it, but it's hilarious, at least to me.

First, there is the luxury stores. They are all over China. Every large city AT LEAST has a Maserati or Aston Martin dealership and most large cities either have a Bentley or Rolls Royce dealer, or both. Then there are the luxury clothing and accessories stores. You name it, they have it. Everywhere. It's kind of disgusting.

You want giant Prada store? China's got MANY!

What's ironic about this is that they developed this nice big street with all these high end stores with nice, large public areas with green space. (This is in Hangzhou by the way...one of the most beautiful places in the world). But guess who's out in front? Old people.

Hundreds of senior citizen gather in these open spaces in the afternoon. To do what? Sing old Communist propaganda music. Like clockwork, old folks come around and sing ballads to Mao and songs about taking down the "capitalist roaders". In front of all the high end stores. Can't make this shit up.

Does it stop there? Of course not! There is also the "Confucius" Temple in Nanjing. I went because I thought it looked pretty on Wikitravel. What do you get when you get there? This:

Confucius, now with LED lights!

Brought to you by KIA

Guess who paid for this? KIA Motors! So, in front of the temple for a guy that said, roughly, that being a merchant is not an honorable profession and no gentlemen should wish to be a merchant, KIA Motors has decided to deck Confucius out with some LED lighting! Oh yeah!

There's also Starbucks. It's everywhere. It's as prevalent in China as in the US, which really irritates me since Chinese people don't drink coffee. It's not something we do, traditionally, but whatever, we developed a habit. One of the things that Starbucks does really well is marketing their brand. Everyone knows the Starbucks logo and they paste it everywhere. They do have a Chinese name "星巴克", which is basically a transliteration by sound, you can see this in Chinatown here. But, they decided to put this up in Chengdu:

Yup...Starbucks has gone Chinese, with a Chinese 1700's style store front and a traditional Chinese signage. Yay? Not sure... much rather you do you. I can REALLY live without a Starbucks with a traditional Chinese style sign, it's called a bian or 匾.

China's development has created a weird bunch of shit all colliding into one place. You still have a lot, A LOT, of people that were educated and grew up in a Communist society, while modern China embraces the capitalist roader. This can lead to some crazy, ironic, weird, and unintentionally hilarious things. One more thing, since 90% of people ask "Who is General Tsou?", "Did he really invent the chicken?". The answer is this is General Tsou (左宗棠, Zuo zhongtang):

He was Viceroy of Liangjiang

He wasn't a general, he was a viceroy.

And NO! He didn't invent the fucking chicken, some dude in Chinatown NYC did in the 70's. 

From Rickshaws to Maglevs: Traveling through China

I guess I should have wrote about this first, since you need to get to Sichuan or anywhere in China to eat there, but it the stereotype of my hometown goes, we put food first.

So, I don't know why, maybe it's the people I talk to at work, or American media portrayal in general, but a lot of people think that China is this backwards Communist country where nothing is dependable and you will get stuck in a place where you can read NONE of the signs and everyone sounds like they are out of a bad 70's Hong Kong kung fu movie. 

Here's the thing though:

 

1) All signs in large cities are posted in Chinese AND English

Granted, it's in pingyin or phonetic Chinese, but things that translate are translated. So, like 南京东路, which will be Nanjing East Road. Super easy for everyone! 

2) I can haz high speed rail?

China has finally worked the kinks out of their high speed rail system, and it's GREAT. They connect every city you can possibly want to go to. They have amazing on time records and the fastest travel at 390 km/hr (around 200 mph). SUPER FAST!

All of the largest city train stations have at least 2 English speaking booths where you can get tickets. And tickets are available 5 days in advance. If you need help ever navigating the rail system, or any rail system, check out Seat 61, it's a train blog.

Shanghai Pudong International Airport also has a Magnetic Levitation (Maglev) train that take you into the city. It goes at over 550 km/hr (400+ mph). Yeah, it's worth a ride. 

I would take the rail for any cities that are close. If it's far, fly. 

3) Every city has a metro??? It speaks English??? AND it goes everywhere you can POSSIBLY want to go???

Yes, yes to all of the above. It's super cheap in every city, 2-7 RMB ($0.25-$1.10). They are all super clean, super new, and super fast. All signs and vending machines are in Chinese and English, so are all announcements, which more than I can say about MTA.

4) You wanna ride a rickshaw?

We got that too... more as a tourist gimmick. 

For a small fee... a Chinese guy will drag your ass around in a rickshaw

We also have what I consider the most inhuman form of traveling I know of! And the kicker is, it's used to go up and down fucking mountains! We got SEDAN CHAIRS!!! What is that you might ask? Two people will let you sit in a chair while the carry your ass up or down a mountain, like this:

If you pay enough, people will literally put you on their shoulders and carry you down (OR UP!) a mountain while you fuck with you smartphone

Yeah... China... sometimes you still don't make sense. 

You want Chinese food? Rules for eating in China

So, I went to Nanjing, Hangzhou, Shanghai, and Chengdu this time around, and since Chengdu is my hometown and about 90% of Chinese will agree, we in Chengdu know how to eat. (Apparently, our hot pot can give you instant ulcers too). Needless to say, I think food in all other places suck, no joke, it's not good. Go to Sichuan and come and see what real Chinese food is. 

But before you go off and get ulcers for no reason here are some ground rules you probably should follow/understand:

1. It will be dirty

China is not known for its cleanliness. Shit, Chinese restaurants HERE aren't known for being the cleanest places. If you have a weak stomach, I'm sorry, you can either pay up the ass for a clean place that's not very good or you can have the shits for most of your stay. 

Food stall, cooks over a 55 gallon barrel, cleanliness win

 2. If you don't know Chinese, it will be ok! But you will have to venture into the kitchen (hell)

If you don't know Chinese, most places will show you what to eat, but you will have to venture into the kitchen, which is a circus, animals and all. You will have to venture into that crazy mess and point at things you want, which is fine, but that some things are not identifiable. And many unidentified things can be great. 

3. If it has a paper menu, leave.

All the best places have a daily rotating menus. They will have plaques posted on the wall or on a whiteboard. This is because they will only cook what they could cook that day. They will have staples, but veggies and anything that will spoil fast will be a daily thing. With this in mind, this is why paper menus are bad. This means they keep things in stock and might not be fresh. Unfresh and unclean means food poisoning. 

4. Try something new

So, here are some local traditional dishes from where I was this time around:

Nanjing: Rice noodles with duck blood sausage

Shanghai: Stinky tofu

Chengdu: Ulcer inducing hotpot. Coagulated pork blood with fried fatty intestines

You have to be adventurous. You will be rewarded. Fatty intestines friggin GREAT! Not just in China, see Turkish Kokorec.

5. In Chengdu, bring antacid 

Heartburn will be a daily thing. Spicy is our specialty. And numbing black peppercorn. It will take some getting used to, so load up on antacid and some milk of magnesia.

One order of fiery poo the next day, coming right up!

6. If you want, General Tso's Chicken

Or anything else from a Chinese fast food menu....

Get the fuck out.

The first of MANY posts on China

I'm sitting in the ANA lounge in Japan and I see this, what I can only guess is Italian person, wearing a T-shirt saying I <3 BJ.

If your mind is as dirty as mine, or NOT even, you know what that means. And this guy seems like a nice guy with a family and pushing his toddler in a stroller with his wife by his side. So he doesn't immediately hit me as douche bag guy that proclaims his love for fellatio on a t-shirt a la Fratty McFraterson.

This isn't the first time I've seen this. This girl I met at a hostel in Nanjing had the same thing on, and I had to strike up a conversation about this, because, hey if a girl loves it...

Anywho... apparently I <3 BJ is the new equivalent of I <3 NY, but for Beijing. WTF Beijing??? I'm liking you less and less. I'm guessing whom ever designed this shirt did not consult any westerners. I love this whole pride in Beijing thing, but maybe calling yourself BJ isn't exactly the best of ideas for a shirt for foreigners...

Or is it...

Personally, let's teach some Westerners some Chinese and stick with 北京

Raising money for cancer research

My grandfather died of cancer. At the age of 80. Lung cancer took his life. He never smoke one day in his life.

Cancer can affect anyone and at anytime. It's a scary disease and on that we are learning more and more about. There needs to be more invest and money put into curing cancers, instead of just managing it.

As most of you know, I've been getting in on this running thing, mainly because I want to make my friend do 50 burpees while saying "I'm your bitch", but also I don't want to be a fat ass. The first half marathon I did was the Rock n Roll half. The time was shitty...2.5 hours. I need to improve on that pretty majorly. So I decided to take on the Maryland Half Marathon.

I'm trying to raise a modest $500 for the UMD Cancer Center and for any one reading this, please donate. There's been a lot of bad press about NGOs and non-profits having HUGE overhead, but the one thing I have come to notice is that donating directly to a hospital is always worth it.

Please go to this webpage: http://www.ummsfoundation.org/redpanda#.UUisAhesiSp and donate. Any small amount helps.

Thank you.

Why the system is stacked against the working man

So, I can officially say I hate my job. Not because of the work hours. Not because I hate my boss. Not because I travel too much. It's because it has definitively shown me that this capitalist system has been stacked against the working man.

First, I am not the working man. I do not write this to complain about my treatment. I've done really well for myself. I can honestly say that through my hard work, my ability to con employers in believing I will champion their profit margins, and a good deal of luck, I have been able to almost double my income during one of the worst recessions. I am not complaining about myself.

What I do have a beef with is how our capitalist system has been stacked against the working family, meaning no college education, making maybe not minimum wage, but still an hourly worker that's making less than $20/hour, who has a family and/or paying child support. These people are getting fucked by the system.

Corporate greed is nothing new. We will do anything to better our bottom line, which corporation will then deliver to their shareholders. Great. Whatever. Capital investments generate more capital and this wheel perpetually spins. I have not a huge problem with that. Investment bankers irritate me and all, but I don't hate them. They are greedy and have taken unnecessary risk against our own economy, but at the end of the day, they reap the fruits of their labor and make money with money. Super. Not what I want to do, but for this, to each their own.

What I have a HUGE gripe over is any company that makes a profit off of other people's labor. Let's take my company as an example, which for my job security will remain nameless. If you don't know already, I manage glorified janitors, our whole company is a bunch of glorified janitors or gophers, we're a "soft business services" company. Our profit is directly linked to how much work we do, might it be shipping and receiving, or in my case, janitorial work. We pay people shit. The highest paid person I have is about $18 and the lowest is $11. Not horrible, but considering they are all living in urban places, it's barely enough to get by and your bound living paycheck to paycheck.

Book Review: Tinkers by Paul Harding

I'm not going to lie, I picked up this book because: 1) It looked pretty and 2) It won the Pulitzer Prize. The first reason is an awful reason to pick a book, the second one isn't, since I've come to realize that most Pulitzer Prize winning books are pretty good.

I then looked at the back cover and read that the writer, Paul Harding, got his MFA from the Iowa Writer's Workshop. My cousin informed me that the University of Iowa, where the workshop is located, puts out AMAZING writers. They are to modern fiction and literature as Yale is to law and Julliard is to performing arts. This is hard to believe, since I didn't know Iowa was THAT good at anything, excluding corn. But at the end of the day I trust my computer science, published poet, magazine editor, turned lawyer cousin (if your reading this, I love you Hannah, and please return this book when done)

Wish I had a HD version of this cover

The book starts off with "George Washington Crosby began to hallucinate eight days before he died. From a rented hospital bed, placed in the middle of his living room, he saw the insects running in and out of imaginary cracks in the ceiling plaster". The author gets right into it and sets up the premise pretty well. The book is a mediation on life and dying. It takes you through the mind, sometimes clear sometimes clouded, of a dying clock maker. It's language is powerful and the descriptions of the New England winter is stunning.

One of the main themes covered through the book is the idea of being trapped in your life. I'm a huge fan of the "dreams deferred" theme and this is kind of an off-shoot to that. It is an emotional story that starts that George Washington Crosby's dying process and goes through his life and a lot of the decision he made, with his father suffering from epilepsy. The novel bounces between his recall and what his family is doing at the present time. 

The life of George and the relationship with his father is juxtaposed and contrasted with the story of his son's during George's death. Bouncing between the two stories was confusing, and may take a re-reading of a couple of chapters to get the whole story. 

Harding gives great insight to the process of dying, in the sense that death is a moment, while dying is a journey. The journey through Crosby's life is recounted in amazing detail. You can almost feel the bitter New England snow as if your walking with the characters. You feel for the mental state of Crosby as he dies and recounts these stories in this head. The journey towards death is ever present with most chapters starting with "86 hours before he died, George..." You counted down the hours with the protagonist and as the end draws near, there is a certain sense of calm that descends on George and you feel that he has come to terms with his own mortality. 

There is a major twist in the story and it is set up remarkably well. You would never expect it, but it isn't a plot twist for the sake of one. Harding does an amazing job at rationalizing the twist through the characters, instead of using some think a "deus ex machina" trick to solve the problem. 

Overall, this is one of the better books I've ever read. It is also a fairly short and quick read. Highly recommend it!

An Open Letter to President Obama

Dear President Obama,

I voted for you. Twice. I campaigned for you. Twice. I met and had breakfast with you when you were still a junior senator from Illinois. I believed in Hope and Change and Forward. I love Obamacare. In retrospect, the auto industry bail out was even a good idea. But there is the issue of foreign policy. It's failing miserably.

The biggest issue I have with it are these memos stating that the US can target US citizen with drone strikes if there is an "imminent risk of attack". What is an imminent risk? Why does imminent risk does not have to be proven with direct evidence? Why are we abridging US citizens' constitutional right to fair and speedy trial and allowing a non-judicial body to pass judgment and punishment on a US citizen?

There are two problems I see with this that bothers me, as an American, to the core. One, if we are killing "terrorists" that pose an "imminent threat", that means we believe that, with due process, this individual would deserve to die, even though he has yet to kill or harm anyone. By that logic, then wouldn't people convicted for conspiracy deserve the death penalty? I think we both no the answer to that is an absolute no. Two, if we are abridging 1 US citizens' rights, then what is to say that we don't do it to others. If we find out that a Timothy McVeigh style attack was "imminent", then would we go in with a kill squad and take him out before he commits his crime? Or would we arrest him and bring him to justice? What about other crimes that aren't terrorist in nature but are also "imminent risks to US interests" or American lives? Do you go after those people and kill them as well?

I think the reason Democrats and other liberals aren't asking for you impeachment, Mr. President, is because its you. We still believe in Hope, Change, and Forward. We believed that junior senator from Illinois during the 2004 Democratic National Convention. But remember, this expansion of presidential power doesn't stop with you. What if we get another W? Or someone like Dick Cheney becomes president? The power to kill US citizens abroad is a huge expansion of presidential power, and that power is not same in anyone's hands.

The other foreign policy issue that I have a problem with is the Middle East. Your administration flipped flopped on Mubarak, has done nothing to aid the Syrian rebels, weakened our relationship with Palestine, irritated Israel, and has not issued a statement about the situation in Tunisia. We could have made a few new alleys in the region with the new Egyptian government, helped prop a more Jordanian like government in Syria, and gained influence in Tunisia if we made a statement and gave meaningful aid to the Arab Spring. Instead, we have no friends in Syria, and the bloodshed continues. Egypt is destabilizing everyday and we continue to feed their military. Your amazing new Secretary of State, John "I have no personality" Kerry, has said nothing about plans for Tunisia. We continue to anger Israel, so much so that their Prime Minister came out and endorsed your opponent. To boot, Palestine now as observer status no thanks to your administration. We are totally on the wrong side of history.

If you policies do not change, I believe we are going into a dark place. If any of this happened under Bush, there would be marches and demonstrations asking for his impeachment. I'm not saying that we should call for impeachment hearing on you, Mr. President, but I have to say, your foreign policy is orders of magnitude worse than Pres. George W. Bush's. He only signed torture memos, against enemies. You allowed for the extra-territorial killings of US citizens, by drones, and without a trial.

I know this is your last term, and I know you probably don't have an political aspirations after this, but just because you can get away with all this doesn't mean you should do it. Please stop. This isn't the American dream you promised us so many times before.

With great concern,

Zao

Book review!

In case you need to know what it looks like...

Since I don't get to go any place too cool for extended periods of time anymore, I think I'll start adding book reviews to this blog.

I just finished The Moon is Down by John Steinbeck. First, I'm not a huge Steinbeck fan, I think mainly because it was required reading in freshmen high school English, and I had no attention span for that. My friend Alina gave it to me, and truthfully it's a novella, so I thought what the hell, it'll take all of a long flight and then I can go back at her and let her know how much Steinbeck sucks.

Surprisingly, it was really enjoyable. She prefaced it, before giving it to me, with "don't read the back cover or the introduction", which turned out to be a brilliant idea.



There are some themes in literature I really enjoy:
1) Political struggles (it runs in the family)
2) Love stories that speak to broader social justice or political issues (think "Les Miserables")

3) Dreams deferred (think Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates or Notes from the Underground by Dostoyevsky)

The Moon is Down falls squarely in the first category, but is well written. Steinbeck's description of the scenery is amazing and really sets the mood for the entire book with the descriptions of the setting. Without giving anything away, because you should read this, the setting plays a huge role in understanding the mind set of the antagonists. 

Secondly, Steinbeck treats you like an adult. I genuinely had books that point out the obvious and leave no space for imagination. For example, my cousin read The Hunger Games, I did not because it is shit. She hated it mainly because its not meant for adults, it states the obvious, which in many cases children need. Like in a conversation, the passage would read:

"Is that a blackbird pin you are wearing?" Said [the main character] as she points to the blackbird pin.

I'm not an idiot. You do not need to address the same thing twice in a conversation. But Steinbeck doesn't do that! The climax of the book is completely unspoken, but you get the idea, and that's what makes it great! Steinbeck treats you like an adult, with critical thinking skills.

I think I'm going to read more Steinbeck. His background would be something I love. West coast, migrant worker, salt of the earth, depression era writer that speaks to social justice. That should be right up my alley. This book definitely has made me want to pick up another Steinbeck novel.

Conclusion: READ IT! It's well worth it. 

Currently reading: "Les Miserables" by Victor Hugo and "Joesph Anton: A Memoir" by Salem Rushdie